1:47.6

Season finale, with a 1:47.6.  Not too bad though.  I went in feeling tired and a wreck and came out with a decent time and a 3rd place finish.  That gave me 50 euros and a sweet ass 4pack of Duvel beer and two beer glasses.  51 point through 400, and 1:19 through 600m.  Solid splits.  but with 200m to go I was cooked.  100m to go I was in 3rd place and 4th started to push on me.  Then I thought of money and beer.  That was my motivation tonight.  Sometimes it doesn't matter what drives you to finish, but I pushed hard right to the line.  That was all I had left.  I wish it was better but I'll take it.  I'll write a sum up later, but right now theres a sweet ass party in Leuven and I have a date with vitamin alcohol.

Last hurrah for the season

One last race.  That's what I keep telling myself.  This past week has been a struggle for me mentally to get out the door and get after my runs this week.  My hamstrings hurt when I wake up and when I run.  I've had two small workouts this week to try and kick-start my system one last time.  Monday's went well.  2x300, 1x200 all at pace.   The workout went well, 38.5, 39.0, and then a 25.3.  This transfers over to a 1:42.8.  So what does this transfer over too in a race.....who knows.  I had 2 minutes rest between stuff so it's really nothing.  It's just telling my body one more time, one more race.

So I'm looking for something in me to get my ass going. I'm a performer so when the gun goes I believe that I will perform.  I hate loosing and there is no way I want to go out with my performance last week.  Plus I do this because it's something I love.  I love the win, I love the fast times and that feeling of accomplishment.  But I also love that nervous sensation that comes as I warm up, or that burning feeling in my legs when I'm pushing to the finish.  I love telling my body to push further when it's telling me to stop.

But if you have words of wisdom or encouragement to give me, please do.  Something that may help snap this feeling a little sooner than just before the gun goes.  Feel free to email me or write me here.  

There is one thing great about Belgium besides the waffles and chocolate; they serve beer at the meets. My race takes 1:46 to run....I bet I can get to the beer line before I reach 2 min

DNF

I've always prided myself on being able to finish a race. Whether it was a really fast, tactical, or just plain slow. But I've always finished. Last night I was entered in the 1500m. Conditions were terrible. Cold, Rain, wind, and delayed races. Nothing you want in a race. You just couldn't get warm in the warmup. The rain got you cold down to the bone. The gun went off and I went straight to the back (no clue why). 400m in and I feel terrible. 800m in still just hanging on barely.  I get to 950m and stopped.

I never stop. I hate the idea of stopping. But I have no clue why I did. I just didn't want it at all. Inside and out, nothing wanted to be on the track. Some people can stop and it doesn't bother them. That it's just another unsuccessful races. That's fine for them but I hate it. I don't know if it was how I was raised or just something I picked up on the way, but it really bothers me. It's not in me to do this. I stayed up half the night tossing and turning analyzing what went wrong and where. And it's stayed on my mind into today. It's like that guilt feeling inside like I've let someone down. And I have....me.

I can say now that I've stopped once, and I hated it. I'd rather jog it in then stop. Why? I have no clue, because finishing whether first or last has never felt as bad as giving up, and that's what I feel I did.

One last race is next Saturday. You better believe I'm getting after it.

Recap

The past weekend in Ghent was one of my last chances at hitting the standard for the World Championships and I fell .57 short of the standard. It's a hard thing to swallow. A year of training to come up that short, is a little frustrating. But I'm still very content with my performances this year. I have posted 3x 1:46 which shows consistency in my runs (though I've had a couple really slow), 2nd at the Canadian Championships, and for the first time in my career I put running as a 100% priority in my life. Looking back into previous seasons, running was an important part of my life; one that I made a lot of sacrifices for. But this year was different. I changed coaches mid yr, and moved to a completely different environment where I focused solely on track. Moving to the US forced me not to work, and eliminate much of the daily distractions in my life I didn't know were there.

I'd work out 10-14 times a week; eat, and sleep and do it all over again. I got up to a 70mile week, tried altitude training, and Zero'd my bank account all to chase a dream. And as I near the end of my season, my only regret I have is that I should of moved to the US in January instead of March.

So two races left. One 1500m this weekend and one 800m next weekend. I've got nothing left to lose. My body is breaking down but I think I've got another PB in there somewhere.

My goal is still the Olympics, and this year has brought me within a half second of that dream. I jumped a full second from last year to this one. Lets hope I can do it again.